Grab a Horse

This evening, our dinner was violently interrupted. We sat contentedly at the table, enjoying the quiet— the quiet that accompanies my new oppressive regime which forbids speaking with food in one’s mouth. Suddenly, my daughter whispered, “guess how loud I can scream”, and before any of us could process her words she let out a scream as loud as humanly possible— startling not only those of us at the table, but every guest at the neighbors dinner party on the back deck just outside our dining room window.

I couldn’t stop laughing at just how inappropriate and unhinged this scream was. It was unearthly and wild. It’s difficult to coach table manners when you can’t remove the smile from your eyes.

I stifled the urge to immediately send a text describing the scene to my best friend. It was exactly the kind of small silly moment I feel compelled to share for no reason at all. As usual, I talk myself out of it:
“Don’t be a bother. This isn’t text-worthy anyway.”

But these little moments, especially the small silly ones, are what make up most of life. They shape us in unassuming ways.

As we resumed dinner, my daughter gave me a wink. (Unfortunately, she knows she can, without fail, melt me with one wink. I mean, she is six. Do six-year-olds wink??). It brought to mind something I heard recently. I will paraphrase poorly, but the idea was this: rather than “live each day like it’s your last”, perhaps we ought to “live each day like it’s your first.”

Living each day like it’s your last comes with this carpe diem anxiety— a pressure to maximize every moment and make every day special—an urgency that is extremely exhausting. But living each day like it’s your first invites us to see with new eyes. To wake each morning with curiosity and wonder. To move through the world like a child, unselfconscious, open, free.

I know that scream was not released to teach me a lesson. But her playful abandon certainly jolted me out of my own head, reminded me to grab life by the horse and lighten up. Don’t take it all so seriously.